The Tables Have Turned, New York

the NY football giants, the NY hockey rangers, the NY yankees. NY's notorious best at their own sports, so what the fuck is going on this year? the giants are having a mediocre year at best while the jets are getting recognition as antop superbowl contender. the rangers trail towards last in their division while the islanders top the atlantic, knocking off toronto's win streak last night. even the yankees seem to be getting dominated in playoffs that they normally slip past but don't worry, the mets still suck. so what's going on? did joe namath ejaculate into the jets water supply, providing them with the mojo to something other than cause a substantially large jet's fan suicide rate each year? the fearless rex ryan's new attitude has brought them to new heights, and new weights, so I guess there is credit to be given there. but what about the islanders? as an islander's fan, I can't say I'm complaining, but the only time people usually buy islanders tickets are for a children's birthday or foreign relative's visit (particularly one that doesn't know good hockey.) Even the NJ basketball nets near the top of their division while the knicks trail behind, but their competition is like two of the most unfortunate of children fighting to win the special olympics.

Easter Funday

Easter is a day of family, food, and the always entertaining easter egg scavenger hunt, claiming the attention spans of small children since the 1700's. It is the day us christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, three days after his crucifixion, and the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, three weeks after us irish have broken our Lent promises to him on St. Patty's Day.

All in all, it is a day that we are all brought together. It is also a day that everyone of all ages will have a monday morning hangover, whether it be from the wine or the ridiculous sugar consumption.

However, aside from all the family fun and culinary festivities, there's a part of me that isn't quite comfortable with the whole Easter idea. I don't know, I guess I just can't grasp the fact that there is a rapid animal defecating colorfully in all my house's best hiding places. I don't care if he's a Jesus bunny, I have a Satan dog that shits frequently enough.

Though, i love being christian. Unlike most mainstream religions, it's the only one that allows us to eat unhealthy amounts of food rather than fast. For that, I love you Jesus, but when i go to Heaven I'm sneaking up a family of rabbits and letting them urinate on the walls, just to see how he likes it.

p.s. I'm going to hell...

The all new, awe-inspiring iPad!

Ok, everyone has been going on about the latest is Apple super-technology so I figured I had to. First off, does anyone really understand what's different about it? When i heard the name "iPad" I though wow, Steve Jobs is now using his technology to help people with uncontrollable bladders, what the hell is he going to come up with next! I was sadly mistaken though.

The new iPad isn't actually a revolutionary way to prevent bed-wetting, but in a fact a product for the people who begged for an obnoxiously bigger iPhone that just couldn't make phone calls. It's brilliant!

I was watching a guided tour on this new gadget and it said that this was a great product because "it adapts to how you want to use it." Though, it turns off when upside down, so I don't know how me and Batman would continue our Facebook poke wars hanging by our feet from the ceiling like us Superhero bats usually do.

It also says that it makes the web more "intimate and fun," so to all you computer spouses that have been having relationship problems with your internet, I introduce you to the iPad, the first ever technological viagra! Making your web-browsing a more pleasurable experience one obsessive computer nerd at a time.

Honestly, I don't know what to think of this new product. It looks like an Apple employee was manufacturing a laptop and in the midst said, "fuck it, I was going to get fired this week anyway, what's the point. " Maybe I'm wrong, but this is an idea that truly does seem pointless.